Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
