I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
