now i know why i became what i already was.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
