the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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