Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.

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(559): View more from California

With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.

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(207): View more from Maine

I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.

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(269): View more from Michigan

You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?

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(416): View more from Toronto

I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila

(618): View more from Illinois

Most of the people I know from AA

(270): View more from Kentucky

Haha touché

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