they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
