It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
