is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
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