Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
