Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
