I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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