If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
