I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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