Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
