I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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