Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
