I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
