Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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