i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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