So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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