my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
