Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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