so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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