There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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