Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i permit you to call me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
im six kinds of drunk right now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
