Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
