my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
