She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
