fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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