You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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