I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
