Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
