he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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