there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
