I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
