After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
