I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
