dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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