I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
