I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
