I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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