Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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