3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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