Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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