when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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