We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
