We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
