a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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