Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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