Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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